Just a Mom

So it has been awhile since I have posted last.  Not that I have lost interest in blogging at all, I have been just busy being Just a Mom.  Being a mom is the greatest thing that I have ever done.  My husband and I have brought two little boys into this world that we can not love more.  Do I want to sell them to the circus sometimes?  Of course I do.  Any mom would; and if she tells you any different she is lying.  Motherhood is hard work.  Being a stay at home mom has brought new perspectives to me in life.  Like I have mad props for the working moms who are able to get dinner on the table, get kids to do their homework, take them to events, and keep the house clean.  I know that it takes a schedule to do all these things, however when both my husband and I came home from work we were both exhausted.  I am not saying that things did not get done or there were roaches in the house; however it was much harder to get everything done.  My weekends were devoted to doing things with my sons, however mostly catching up on housework, going to the grocery, catching up on homework, catching up on therapy, and so on and so forth.  Now I feel as if I am finally sane being a stay at home mom.  I am able to keep our house clean, take my son to his therapy, go to the gym, work on homework for school and therapy homework, do the groceries (if you have not tried online shopping at Kroger or walmart and then have it delivered to you car I highly suggest it.  It is so nice to be able to stick to your budget and not have to hear nagging from kids I want to thank give me that. Although my son does not say those things as much as I hear other kids so mad props to me on that.) and just live life the way I feel I have been missing it.  I thought that I would be bored as hell and would beg my husband to go back to work, but I am super content on being a stay at home mom.  In my eyes (please do not judge me as I feel there is 10,000+ ways to raise your kids) I feel as if the mom should say at home.  I feel as if it is my duty to stay home, cook for my family, please my husband, and raise my kids.  I feel as if this is my job and it is something that I should have always been doing.  Again I think I should state if you are a working mom, part-time working mom, or however you raise you kids you are doing a superb job.  This just happens to work for me and it is my opinion in it all.

Now speaking of pleasing my man.  Boy have I do not know if turning 30 gives you a rev up in your sex drive like you are 17 again or if being at home has made me less stressed, but all I know is this lady needs sex.  This lady needs her man.  One day we did it 10 times in one day.  Yeah you read that right 10 times in one day.  Now I will leave it up to you about what positions they were, however I will talk about one.  I have a new respect for being on top.  I used to hate it because I never knew if he was enjoying it and I never enjoyed it.  But, shit now that I have found the time to work out, I have awoken muscles that I never knew that I had. One thing else and I will be done with this paragraph as I believe it is getting more trashy then classy.  Ladies if you want your man to want to do something for you , give him more blow jobs.  Yes, I know that it can seem like a job at times, but it pleases him and in the long run will please you because you will get all the shit done that you want to get done without him having to bitch moan and groan.

I have a new love for cooking.  I have the energy now to sit down, plan, and cook meals.  We have been having a home cooked meal every night.  Okay I am lying.  Sometimes we have breakfast for dinner, leftovers, or pizza.  But, you get my point.  I feel as if I am not rushed to cook something and then in the end because I did rush it turns out horrible.  Tonight even though we are in Cincinnati I was able to put in the crock-pot Italian chicken, green beans, and bake the biscuits so after my husband comes home after a hard days work he is able to sit down to a home cook meal even though we are not there.  (BTW I just received a text message from my husband and he stated that the meal was fantastic)  

Baking.  I think that word alone says enough in its self.  Now I am not talking about baking from a box (although I have done those many of times in my day when I was not a stay at home mom, and if you are able to being a working mom my hat goes off to you)  I am talking about baking things from scratch.  I always enjoyed baking.  All the science and chemistry that goes into it.  I find it fascinating.  Unlike cooking where you are guesstimate about how much of the ingredients, with baking if you mess just one thing up the whole thing becomes a disaster.  With baking I am starting small.  Friday when I was watching my niece we made double chocolate chip cookies.  I am moderating the sugars I take in for lent, so I did not try one.  However, from everyone that I gave them to they were delicious.  The other thing that I made was on Sunday.  This is my husbands only day off so I thought to do breakfast up right.  I made homemade vanilla cinnamon pancakes with bacon and eggs.  I messed up on those a bit though. I am learning so bare with me .  I put in too much baking soda, forgot the baking powder, and put the vanilla in with the dry ingredients.  Which putting the wet ingredients in with the dry ingredients before they are ready is a big baking no no.  I know that there is a reason but I am too lazy to google that right now.

So let us get to the main reason why I have become a stay at home mom.  I do not know if I have stated this, but here it all goes.  My oldest has ADHD, Globally Developmental Delay, Sensory Processing Disorder, and a Speech Delay.  It has been a long road to get here, but I believe that we are finally getting to the end. Or we are at least going to stop going downward on the hill that we have been climbing since 2014.  Brayden was first evualted by a psychologist.  He stated that based on his results and because he was so severely distracted his diagnosis was ADHD and autism.  My husband and I were crushed.  I started drinking more than I usually do.  I would wake up with hangovers more day during the week.  My son was never endangered and my work never was in danger, however my drinking did increase.  I was crushed.  I believed my dreams of him succeeding in life, finding someone to grow old with, and grandchildren were down the road.  Now the question in my head were “Will he ever graduated highschool?  Will he ever be able to hold a job?  Will he ever be able to live by himself?”  All these questions overwhelmed me so I turned to drinking.  

Our next evaluation was with UofL Weiskoff Autism Clinic.  My husband had to take him here as I was unable to get off work.  I can not tell you the anxiety I had that day.  My husband called me midway through the evualation to tell me, “3 doctors have come out and all stated that he does not have Autism.  He shows no signs of Autism.”  I was relieved. (If he did have Autism I would have loved him the same.  Brayden is Brayden.  No matter what he had I would love him.)  Now came the question “If it is not Autism then what is it?  Why is my child so behind the other children?  What can I do to help him catch up to the other children?  If this something that I have done?  Have I let him watch too much TV?  Did I not read to him enough?  Did I not take the correct prenatal vitamins or folic acid?  What did I do?”  With all these question that I had no answers to, the drinking continued.  Drinking was my way to cope with the pain.  It was my outlet to this scary thing that I was going though and now looking back how selfish I was.  If I thought that this was scary for me, what about Brayden?  Sure he is this adorable fun-loving child, but did he notice that he was different then the other kids?  Did the other kids notice that he was different from them?  Did he get made fun of because of this?  Even though he was only 3/4 years old; Kids can be cruel.  

Next evaluation is from the school.  Even with the evaluations that we already had, they needed to do their own in order for him to receive the help that he needs through the state.  This process takes around 3 months.  They had concluded that Brayden was 2 years behind.  So even though he was 3/4 years old; he had the mind of a 1/2 year old.  They suggested that we put him in pre-k with an IEP to help him get caught up and ready for Kindergarten.  With this IEP he would receive occupation and speech therapy.  The Pre-K program was great for him.  He did start to progress, but at the pace that Brayden wanted to progress.  This program was only a half of day.  I believe if this program was a full day then we would have succeeded more.  But, that is in the past and there is nothing I can do about it.  

Kindergarten.  I had a fear of Brayden starting this.  I did not believe that he was ready.  He was just now starting to comprehend him ABC’s, could not write, could only count to 20 (with missing 15), could not recognize the numbers, and had a hard time following directions.  But, I had a nudge from my husband, mother, and the rest of our family that it would be good for him to move on to see just where he needs to be.  I am 7.5 months pregnant at this time so I just go with the flow.  Why mess with it?  So I take him to school try to do his homework with him (at this time I am still working so he is going to an after school program where I sometimes do not get around to picking him up until 6pm.) while cooking dinner, cleaning the house, and be pregnant.  Late September/Early October comes.  I am just shy of 2 weeks of giving birth.  IEP meeting time.  They continuously state how everyone loves Brayden and how he is the sweetest most loving kid they ever met. (This was a fear of mine as I was worried that he would get bullied because of his difficulties.)  They suggest at this meeting that Brayden be put in 3 hours of resource room and 3 hours of regular school time.  This way with the 3 hours or resource room he would be in a smaller classroom and would be able to receive more one on one time.   I agree to this because anything to help my oldest I am willing to do.  

October-December just seem like to fly by.  We had our second son Collin, I started a new job, and the holidays.  So (again not something that I am proud of but I am human and sometimes we do not make the best decision) Brayden’s things get put on the back-burner.  I am still focusing on help him do his homework, get to the gym, clean the house, and make dinner.  However, I feel as if the more and more things that the teacher put on these “Bingo Cards” the less and less that Brayden was able to do.  He was progressing and had come a long way since we first started this journey, but he was still not where he needed to be.  

January.  New year and New Outlook on life.  It had become apparent that Brayden needed therapy.  Occupational and Speech Therapy.  We had tried to before, unfourtanely were unable to get insurance to pay for it.  I now know that I should have tried another place or call the insurance company and see what they would pay for, but I did not and you live and you learn.  I called the first excellent review that I could find and set up an appointment for him to get evaluated.  Brayden had insurance through my husband and I so this time I figured we could get what we needed to paid for.  Brayden got evualted and was told that he needs at least 3 years of speech therapy and in a year of occupational therapy they will re-evaluate and see if he still needs it.  At first he was going 2 times a week.  One for speech and one for occupational.  Then the speech therapist (love her thank you so much for doing this) set up a new spot just for brayden and fought for him to have this spot as with far behind he was.  So now we are up to occupational 1 time a week and speech therapy 2 times a week.  At this point I am still working.  My wonderful mother is willing to take him 2 times a week and my fabulous father in law takes him one day a week.  Remind you agian I am still working at this time.  Then comes that brayden would greatly benefit from one more occupational appointment to focus on writing.  So Monday-Thursday Brayden would be going to therapy.  It was time for my husband and I to sit down and have a discussion.  Would we be able to afford for me to stop working so I am able to take Brayden to his appointments, help him with his homework, and take him to his doctor appointments.  After seriously crunching some numbers, we figured that we could do it.  So sadly I had to leave my new job to become a stay at home mom to help our son flourish.  

Today.  We are in Cincinnati to see a developmental psychologist.  I am hoping that this will be the last major evaluation that Brayden will have to go to and we will be able to start going down this major hill that we have been climbing for so long.  I am hopeful for this appointment.  I know this is exactly what Brayden needs.  I am looking forward to what this doctor has to say.  I am anticipating that I will receive answers that day on what she finds.  Although I know the full evualation has to be typed out, I would like to hear some answers tomorrow. 

Working with Brayden is frustrating.  But the rewards trump the frustration.  We spent 30+ minutes on trying to write the letter K.  Did I loose my cool at times?  Yes I did.  Despite this I was able to calm down quickly and remind myself how frustrated Brayden must feel.  How he can see his classmates write so well when he is unable to even write the letter K.  Nevertheless something then just clicked and Brayden was able to write the letter K with ease.  Now, that is not a challenge to him any longer.  We are just now onto the next task.

Before I move on from this topic I wanted to just share one more thing.  We bought some beginning reader books from Barnes and Nobles and Brayden is able to read them with ease.  He notices this also and is becoming more confident in things.  GO BRAYDEN.

Well everyone it is now 11:30 and I have nothing more to talk about these situations.  If you have a question or something that you would like for me to write about please comment below.

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